AITA for spilling the beans on why my ex wife and I got divorced?

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Me 37/M and my Ex-Wife 39/F got divorced just over two years ago. A hellish part of my life I’d love to forget, but something recently happened to trigger my breaking point. Let me start by saying we have two wonderful children together, now 11/m and 13/f. I must admit the divorce was incredibly difficult on them both to the point now I see how much damage was done. Overall though they’ve been strong throughout, leaning on each other for support. My son has put all the emotion into his soccer, spending nearly everyday training. My daughter though has become more reserved.  

In the divorce my ex-wife got the house and close to full custody of our children. The best I could get was every other weekend. My apartment is an hour away (all I can afford) and only one bedroom. The home prices are very high in my area, and I cannot afford much else. So, the kids live with her daily and get to stay at their home schools. This hurts, but I don’t blame the courts. It kind of made sense. They wanted the kids to stay in their home. While I missed them very much, I focused on my work. Looking to get a promotion that maybe one day I could move into something a little better and live closer to the kids with the goal of being in their lives daily.

Then six months ago she gets this “new” boyfriend. And within three months this guy moves into my home, under the same roof as my children. Of course, I soon hear through the grapevine how everyone is swooning over this man and how “fun” he is. Including my children. My ex-wife and this man are taking vacations together with my children. One to Disney World and one to San Diego early this summer. And who is paying for most of it? Me! She only works part time he is a deadbeat. My guess is it must be some of the money I send them every month.

While this had me boiling, I tried my best to hold my feelings inside. That is until last weekend when the kids came to see me. My favorite part of the week. When they arrived, they could talk about one thing. The vacations. And how much fun they have been having with mom and her boyfriend. They showed me all their new clothes along with brand new electronics as well. Both new iPads and air pods. All “bought” by the new boyfriend. At this statement I totally lost it. Two years of pent-up rage exploded.

You see my children had no idea why their mother and I got divorced. No clue that this cunt cheated on me over six months with not one, but three other guys that I know of. She’d drop the kids off at her mother’s why I was away on business and fuck these guys. Usually renting some cheap hotel rooms to fuck around like some teenager. Eventually she settled into a regular affair with one guy. This loser who lived in his aunt’s basement at the time. Yeah really! You have no idea how bad that part hurt.

I found out one day that something was up. I was doing the laundry when I find a hotel key in her pocket along with a receipt. This confirmed many of the suspicions I’d been having. But this my first proof. Still, I did not want to believe something was going on. So, I actually I faked an overnight trip and watched her. Well, It did not take long for the kids to get dropped off at her mother’s followed by bringing someone into my own house. A man, carrying a six pack of something. I did not confront her that night instead I went to bar and drowned myself in alcohol, spending the rest of night crying in my car.

It was late the next day when I confronted her, secretly hoping she would feel bad or tell it all was a mistake, but that did not happen. She blamed it all on me. I wasn’t around enough. Too strict with the kids. Not fun like a used to be. You name it, she had an excuse as to why she was justified in her actions. Well right there she said she wanted a divorce. I cannot describe how much these words hurt. Like a knife in the guy. Almost worse than the cheating.

As the divorce was worked out, we decided to keep things light with the kids. Her therapist suggested this. So, in the end we told them Mom and Dad just needed to be apart. It was not their fault at all, and we both still loved them. Well obviously, no matter how light you make it the kids were devastated. They were hurt beyond anything I could have predicted. But it happened and we all lived with it.

Fast forward to last weekend when they showed off all their new toys and gushed about all the vacations. Well, I lost it. I looked both in the eye and asked if they wanted to know the real reason why your mother and I divorced? This is where I think I took things too far, but I could not help it.

I said something along the line of your whore of a mother of your fucked three other guys. One in my own bed. She is a liar and a cheat and drops you off at her grandma’s house so she can act like a spoiled 18 year old again. Her boyfriend, the one who bought you all this crap, in unemployed and the one she was fucking while married to me. Yes, I did use these words. I called her a whore many times.

I then proceeded to pick up the phone and call her mother. Of course, she picked right up. I gleefully explained the whole story to her mother, who we also hid the reason of our divorce from. The place she’d drop of the kids to get “me time” as she called it. Always lying to her about the many reasons she needed a babysitter. Well, let’s just say her mother was not pleased by her daughters’ actions. Man, I must say that felt good!

Now my ex-wife is in a heap of shit. Her mother is furious. The kids are devastated. Now old enough to see it was her fault after all. Well, I’ve received multiple calls from her. All unanswered. She is begging to talk. She wants me to take it all back. Explain it was some lie I made up. Tell the kids it wasn’t her fault after all. She says they are not talking to her now and treating her differently. In a way I do feel a little bad for my actions. She really is a good mother and great with our kids. But I just could not hold it in anymore. She destroyed out family and I’m tired of nobody knowing it.

Am I the asshole?

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